Building Trust and Relationships With the Hurting… Christine McDonald
The church can make a difference—and indeed, has a responsibility to make a difference—for men, women, girls, and boys who are hurting, victimized, addicted, exploited, and suffering. Jesus Christ came to set the captives free, and Christians have the amazing and humbling opportunity to be His hands and feet in this redemptive recovery. Christ calls us to reach out not only to those who are in physical captivity in commercial sexual exploitation escort services, street prostitution, internet exploitation, strip clubs, and other bad situations, but also to those who are captives in their own minds to the lies of the enemy and a distorted understanding of life formed by terrible experiences in their pasts.
It is a great privilege to get to build relationships with hurting individuals and assist them on their path to recovery. But there is much to be learned and understood in order to be effective and helpful in those relationships. The rest of this section is my attempt to help you process through how to foster a healthy relationship and connect with the individual in a way that is empowering for both of you.
For a person who has grown up in a relatively stable, functional environment, things like the words “I love you,” hugs, and other simple, physical touches are normal and generally accepted signs of affection, compassion, or relational affirmation. But for individuals who have been trafficked or prostituted, or are victims of other forms of abuse, these seemingly innocent gestures take on a whole different meaning.
In order to help these individuals, building a relationship of trust is vitally important. But to build that trusting relationship, you need to understand how these gestures—which might be instinctive and well–meaning for you—may affect the individuals you are trying to help. Then you will be equipped with the knowledge you need to be able to discern when these gestures are appropriate and good, and when they are not.
With victims of trafficking, violence, and abuse, you must first understand that their views on relationships have been distorted by their traffickers, abusers, and the men who paid them for their touch. Traffickers and other abusers have emotionally, physically, and sexually harmed them. They have used physical touch and the words “I love you” to coerce and manipulate. Or, worse, they have used these things to initially build trust in their targets, then shown their true selves and brought harm. Some of these individuals were victimized by family members, who used words like “I love you” while doing it. These words and actions now have a tainted internal value. They no longer convey authentic affection; they are tools of manipulation and harm.
When you are trying to build a relationship with someone you are working with, it is nature to want to extend physical gestures or words of affection and affirming. Oftentimes, the individual will reciprocate because of their preformed responses and learned behavior. You may think they are receiving your gestures well when, in fact, their response is a sign of their hurt and abuse. You could be unintentionally intruding on their space or causing them discomfort, yet they have been preprogrammed to give the expected responses instead of responding in a way true to their feelings.
For an individual who has experienced trauma, disparity, abuse, and other ill−treatment, they often have no clue what their true feelings are. The longer an individual has existed in a dysfunctional lifestyle such as substance abuse, neglect, early childhood trauma/abuse, homelessness, and prostitution, the more distanced they become from authentic emotions. Every bit of passing time adds complexity to the challenge of learning to process their true feelings and build organic relationships with friends, acquaintances, helping professionals, and family members.
Contact Information:
Christine C. McDonald
636-487-8986
Christine.CryPurple@gmail.com
“Love your neighbor, all of ’em.” -Christine Clarity McDonald
Through The Eyes of Grace – Christine C McDonald
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEj5RbFpuzjx_CuksAqgyXA/featured
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