Archive for relationships

Building Relationships With the Hurting… Christine McDonald

Posted in #PaulthePoke, Christine "Clarity" McDonald with tags , , , on July 23, 2021 by paulthepoke

Building a relationship with someone you are working with or trying to help is difficult. It is especially difficult for those coming at this from a faith–based approach. We have a true desire to embrace them, hug them, and tell them how much we love them.

When you are first beginning a relationship with hurting individuals, you may have all the good intentions in the world by touching them, giving a hug, or saying affirming words like “I love you.” But to hurting individuals at this stage in the relationship, you are just another person wanting to touch them, hug them, or tell them you love them. Frankly, in the beginning, it is just too much. Build trust first. Allow them to have their space. Honor them as individuals and allow them to connect with you rather than trying to force a connection with them. Give them the dignity of choosing that connection. That is a dignity that has been stolen from them in nearly every other relationship.

Early in my journey, I shared some of my life with a professional caseworker. As I shared, she began to cry. She reached out, gripped my hands, and asked, “Can I just give you a hug?” I, of course, said yes. However, inside I was screaming, What is wrong with this lady? She doesn’t know me! But I had been programmed to respond that of course I wanted to hug her back, just so we could get back on focus. I mean, at least she asked me first, right?

You may desire to hug someone, but make sure you are being cognizant of his or her needs. This discretion on your part will help them begin to seek out healthy human touch. It is a huge step forward for them to seek out something as basic as a hug because they desire to be hugged or because they want to hug you due to the relationship they have developed with you. We as feel–good believers just want to love on them, so we need to find healthy ways to build those relationships and connections first. At the beginning, loving them doesn’t look like hugs. Instead, loving them is done by respecting them, their space, and their forming awareness of what they choose for themselves. That way we are fostering a more organic relationship with heartfelt hugs later on from both parties: the individual who is hurting as well as you!

Contact Information:
Christine C. McDonald
636-487-8986
Christine.CryPurple@gmail.com

“Love your neighbor, all of ’em.” -Christine Clarity McDonald

Through The Eyes of Grace – Christine C McDonald 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEj5RbFpuzjx_CuksAqgyXA/featured

https://crypurplemovie.com/

Building Trust and Relationships With the Hurting… Christine McDonald

Posted in #PaulthePoke, Christine "Clarity" McDonald with tags , , , , , , on July 10, 2021 by paulthepoke
crop friends stacking hands together
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

The church can make a difference—and indeed, has a responsibility to make a difference—for men, women, girls, and boys who are hurting, victimized, addicted, exploited, and suffering. Jesus Christ came to set the captives free, and Christians have the amazing and humbling opportunity to be His hands and feet in this redemptive recovery. Christ calls us to reach out not only to those who are in physical captivity in commercial sexual exploitation escort services, street prostitution, internet exploitation, strip clubs, and other bad situations, but also to those who are captives in their own minds to the lies of the enemy and a distorted understanding of life formed by terrible experiences in their pasts.

It is a great privilege to get to build relationships with hurting individuals and assist them on their path to recovery. But there is much to be learned and understood in order to be effective and helpful in those relationships. The rest of this section is my attempt to help you process through how to foster a healthy relationship and connect with the individual in a way that is empowering for both of you.

For a person who has grown up in a relatively stable, functional environment, things like the words “I love you,” hugs, and other simple, physical touches are normal and generally accepted signs of affection, compassion, or relational affirmation. But for individuals who have been trafficked or prostituted, or are victims of other forms of abuse, these seemingly innocent gestures take on a whole different meaning.

In order to help these individuals, building a relationship of trust is vitally important. But to build that trusting relationship, you need to understand how these gestures—which might be instinctive and well–meaning for you—may affect the individuals you are trying to help. Then you will be equipped with the knowledge you need to be able to discern when these gestures are appropriate and good, and when they are not.

With victims of trafficking, violence, and abuse, you must first understand that their views on relationships have been distorted by their traffickers, abusers, and the men who paid them for their touch. Traffickers and other abusers have emotionally, physically, and sexually harmed them. They have used physical touch and the words “I love you” to coerce and manipulate. Or, worse, they have used these things to initially build trust in their targets, then shown their true selves and brought harm. Some of these individuals were victimized by family members, who used words like “I love you” while doing it. These words and actions now have a tainted internal value. They no longer convey authentic affection; they are tools of manipulation and harm.

When you are trying to build a relationship with someone you are working with, it is nature to want to extend physical gestures or words of affection and affirming. Oftentimes, the individual will reciprocate because of their preformed responses and learned behavior. You may think they are receiving your gestures well when, in fact, their response is a sign of their hurt and abuse. You could be unintentionally intruding on their space or causing them discomfort, yet they have been preprogrammed to give the expected responses instead of responding in a way true to their feelings.

For an individual who has experienced trauma, disparity, abuse, and other ill−treatment, they often have no clue what their true feelings are. The longer an individual has existed in a dysfunctional lifestyle such as substance abuse, neglect, early childhood trauma/abuse, homelessness, and prostitution, the more distanced they become from authentic emotions. Every bit of passing time adds complexity to the challenge of learning to process their true feelings and build organic relationships with friends, acquaintances, helping professionals, and family members.

Contact Information:
Christine C. McDonald
636-487-8986
Christine.CryPurple@gmail.com

“Love your neighbor, all of ’em.” -Christine Clarity McDonald

Through The Eyes of Grace – Christine C McDonald 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEj5RbFpuzjx_CuksAqgyXA/featured

https://crypurplemovie.com/

Relationship Deposits… Paul Beverly

Posted in #PaulthePoke, Paul Beverly with tags on August 23, 2020 by paulthepoke

In any relationship, you get out of it what you put into it. You can’t keep making withdrawals without making deposits at the bank. So why would you expect a relationship to work any different? Make sure you are building your relationship up with deposits.

Luke 6:38. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.

Have a giving week my friends!!!

Reconciliation… Christine McDonald

Posted in #PaulthePoke, Christine "Clarity" McDonald with tags , , , , , on June 12, 2020 by paulthepoke

The pattern of the prodigal is: rebellion, ruin, repentance, reconciliation, restoration. —Edwin Louis Cole

God’s grand plan for all of creation boils down to one thing: reconciliation. From the moment of mankind’s “fall,” we as humans have been on a journey carrying us further and further away from truth as we continue to indulge in the idol worship of self. At the same time, God’s love, though sometimes seemingly nonexistent, has pursued the human heart for generations, culminating in the most incredible act of grace we call the Crucifixion.

It was on a cross that the most innocent of men bore the punishment that should have belonged to all of us. There has never been any act more unfair or more unjust than Jesus becoming a sacrifice for every amount of evil we could conceive. If God never did another thing for humanity, we would still have to recognize this deeply passionate gift of love. Yet His acts of love didn’t end on the cross.

God’s deep desire to be reconciled to His children motivates all He does. Second Corinthians 5:20 (NLT) says, “So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us.” We are Christ’s ambassadors. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” Our expressions of love and kindness help reconcile a lost, hurting world to a loving Father who is eager to heal broken hearts.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels.com

As I share my own story of reconciliation, have hope. God can reconcile relationships. Where it is impossible to reconcile the relationship, He can reconcile our emotions and give us peace and contentment.

Contact Information:
Christine C. McDonald
636-487-8986
Christine.CryPurple@gmail.com

“Love your neighbor, all of ’em.” -Christine Clarity McDonald

https://crypurplemovie.com/

Relationship Killers and Choosing Love… Featuring Paul Beverly

Posted in #PaulthePoke, Paul Beverly with tags , , , , , on August 11, 2019 by paulthepoke

Thinking about my post I shared from a few years back, if you truly want a relationship to work you can NOT be selfish, controlling, or jealous. Those 3 things are what pop in my head immediately because I see it way too often. These 3 things are poison to a relationship. Each person needs their own identity, not just so & so’s wife or so & so’s husband. If one feels they aren’t trusted & not valued, their heart will slowly withdraw from the relationship.

If you want happiness in a relationship, Give without expectations. Trust wholeheartedly. Listen with sincerity. Forgive easily. Love unselfishly. Be proud of your partner. Do not place blame. Do not point out faults. Make their happiness as important as your own. Want every day to be a little better. Give them space when needed. Hold them close when needed. Never stop dating. Don’t be too proud to seek counsel or attend a marriage seminar. Seek God together.

Make your relationship amazing…. Have a happy week my friends!!!

Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Our Daily Bread…Featuring Paul Beverly

Posted in Paul Beverly, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on August 24, 2017 by paulthepoke

pb bread

In any kind of relationship, the relationship will thrive when you try to outdo each other in kindness & giving. Not for selfish reasons, but because it’s the right thing to do. Not for expectations of what might be given back, but because you truly want the other as happy as you want yourself to be. Those that are a blessing will be blessed.

Be kind to others & make them feel accepted. Feeling like an outsider is a terribly lonely feeling. We are all the same & want the same things at the end of the day really. Just treat others as you’d have them treat you. Nobody is better than anyone else.

Romans 2:11 For God shows no partiality.

Romans 15:7 Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.

Acts 20:35 In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak & remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

Proverbs 11:25 The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped.

Have a blessed weekend my friends!!!

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