Building Relationships With the Hurting… Christine McDonald
Building a relationship with someone you are working with or trying to help is difficult. It is especially difficult for those coming at this from a faith–based approach. We have a true desire to embrace them, hug them, and tell them how much we love them.
When you are first beginning a relationship with hurting individuals, you may have all the good intentions in the world by touching them, giving a hug, or saying affirming words like “I love you.” But to hurting individuals at this stage in the relationship, you are just another person wanting to touch them, hug them, or tell them you love them. Frankly, in the beginning, it is just too much. Build trust first. Allow them to have their space. Honor them as individuals and allow them to connect with you rather than trying to force a connection with them. Give them the dignity of choosing that connection. That is a dignity that has been stolen from them in nearly every other relationship.
Early in my journey, I shared some of my life with a professional caseworker. As I shared, she began to cry. She reached out, gripped my hands, and asked, “Can I just give you a hug?” I, of course, said yes. However, inside I was screaming, What is wrong with this lady? She doesn’t know me! But I had been programmed to respond that of course I wanted to hug her back, just so we could get back on focus. I mean, at least she asked me first, right?
You may desire to hug someone, but make sure you are being cognizant of his or her needs. This discretion on your part will help them begin to seek out healthy human touch. It is a huge step forward for them to seek out something as basic as a hug because they desire to be hugged or because they want to hug you due to the relationship they have developed with you. We as feel–good believers just want to love on them, so we need to find healthy ways to build those relationships and connections first. At the beginning, loving them doesn’t look like hugs. Instead, loving them is done by respecting them, their space, and their forming awareness of what they choose for themselves. That way we are fostering a more organic relationship with heartfelt hugs later on from both parties: the individual who is hurting as well as you!
Contact Information:
Christine C. McDonald
636-487-8986
Christine.CryPurple@gmail.com
“Love your neighbor, all of ’em.” -Christine Clarity McDonald
Through The Eyes of Grace – Christine C McDonald
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEj5RbFpuzjx_CuksAqgyXA/featured
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