If you are an outreach person or a drop–in center worker and have random encounters, it will take many encounters with the same person to build a relationship of trust. Here is a guide and process you can go through at the intake stage that will help set the stage for an organic relationship of trust.
I know that for those of you who wear your heart on your sleeve, you are going to struggle with this. But don’t give up hope! I promise the relationships will be more authentic and more nurturing if you follow these suggestions. By addressing both the physical and emotional needs of the individual, you are making this participant–centered and not basing this on your own heart, desires, or emotions. It will be worth it! You will be building off the core identity of the person and not their brokenness.
Don’t take notes when speaking to a hurting individual. Instead, mentally take note of their hair color or other things that stick out. Taking notes when speaking to the person on the streets or at a chance encounter gives the appearance that you are not present in the conversation. Make notes after having a conversation.
What is their name? Maybe they gave you a “street name.” Don’t ask if that is their real name. If they had wanted to tell you their name, they would have. Remember, you are meeting this hurting person where they are, not where you want them to be. If they choose not to tell you their last name, then don’t ask for it. Many individuals don’t share first and last names, so don’t expect
it. You will know you reached a milestone of trust the day they do choose to tell you their real name.
Make eye contact. If they seem to avoid your attempt, don’t press the issue, but look directly at them when speaking. Believe me, they will remember. It will also help you when making your mental notes of the encounter as well as any notes you may choose to write down and keep after the encounter.
Refresh your memory before doing outreach again. Look over your notes. This will give you a baseline to say their name or ask about something that stuck in your mind from the previous encounter. This shows you care. This process will look different if you are an intake worker at a residential center or a caseworker at a service provider.
This is of utmost importance. Let the hugs come from the individual first! Yes, you can begin to foster these relationships, but the individual is hurting. You are doing an intake, engaging in how to find help for someone during an outreach or in church. There are hard questions to ask, yet you just met them. You hurt for them, so you say, “May I give you a hug?” It is natural to want to offer compassion in this way. But in those beginning stages of the relationship, focus on building trust first. This way, you can help them experience the true value of a hug when the time is right for them.
Contact Information:
Christine C. McDonald
636-487-8986
Christine.CryPurple@gmail.com
“Love your neighbor, all of ’em.” -Christine Clarity McDonald
Through The Eyes of Grace – Christine C McDonald
https://www.rpor.org/christines-place-drop-in-center/
