Habakkuk 1:5 Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told. -LORD God
Ephesians 4:30 “And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.”
The death of a child is like no other death. It is a never healing pain. It is a loss of part of yourself. It causes immense personal distress. I have personally suffered a miscarriage. I have sat with friends who have lost their children and seen the despair and pain written across their faces. Our children are not supposed to die before us. We grieve at the thought of being separated from them, not hearing their voices, seeing their faces, never seeing their full potential fulfilled.
As parents, we grieve, get angry when we see our children heading down a path of self-destruction. We many times stand face to face with a defiant, sulky, self-defiant, self-righteous, self-absorbed child. Yet, many of us stand, as that child, in the face of God. And you know what? Our Father grieves.
Our God, our Father, gives us the Holy Spirit as a guide. Still we disregard the promptings as a teenager sneaking out of the house for a night of mischief. We get angry at God because we look at the rules and start manifesting feelings of judgment. The same reasons I would get angry at my parents when I was young. Now as a parent myself, I understand. My parents loved me.
Our Heavenly Father grieves as we disregard His guidance. On judgment day, I can visualize God with tears in His eyes as He has to turn away from His children, His creations, who have chosen to be eternally separated from Him. I imagine it like being at the side of a hospital bed as you watch your child take his last breath.
I wanted to share my experiences and help you see a personal side of those who are hurting. I wanted to give you some insight into the moments that help and heal, as well as the moments that hurt and scar.
These appendices are specifically written for those who work in the helping professions or ministries or who desire to help the hurting. I want to give you a few tools to help you do your much–needed work as effectively as possible. What you do can open or close doors in a hurting person’s life. I believe in the work you do and I want nothing more than to see you fling those doors wide open for those who need it. So, this isn’t a story. This is a toolbox.
I have been a hurting person. I have been broken, deceived from spiritual disenfranchisement, bought and sold, and trauma bonded. I have suffered at the hands of domestic violence. I have been consumed by the darkness of hopelessness and addiction, stigmatized by the world around me, and blanketed by guilt and shame. I have been harmed by professionals, leaders of faith, and the folks who seemed to be the okay people of the “normal world.” I have been excluded by agencies for services that cherry–picked clients to assist.
Unfortunately, there are many “helping agencies” out there that select to help only those with the highest chance for success. The successful clients are used to pursue grant money that would be impossible to access by those with the greatest challenges or barriers. If someone is deemed “too needy,” then they pose a risk, because if their success can’t be qualified and quantified, then there is no financial compensation for helping them.
This kind of repeated rejection can only happen so many times before individuals seeking help give up. Their view of help becomes so tainted that they believe they can’t be helped. As you saw in my journey, I myself reached this point after trying to seek help many times.
These experiences on their journeys shape their perceptions of “helping people” or “good Christians.” If these experiences have been negative, then your work is cut out for you. Remember: Every action, or inaction, has the potential to heal or to destroy. My goal is to help you increase the chance that your efforts to help will accomplish the former, not the latter. I don’t believe that the people in most helping agencies intend to compound the problems; they simply lack the inside understanding of these individuals’ experiences and true needs. There are some ways to become authentic and relational with these hurting folks that will assist you as well as them.
As you begin to read this, remember that you are engaging with hurting persons. Some of you engage with homeless individuals, trafficked/prostituted persons, rape victims, violent crime survivors, and more. While many of these tools are relevant to women/girls and the types of things they endure, the general approach and considerations can be used with men/boys who are hurting as well.
Our compassion should be guided by God’s compassion, not dependent on age or gender or how a person got in their situation in the first place. After all, when we engage with these individuals who are over 18 and learn how they entered the world of commercial sexual exploitation, we find that more often than not their victimization began as a child. Why then do we have such a hard time viewing adults as victims and worthy of our love when they are recovered or reach out for services?
It is because we, the outsiders, looking in with our judgments and our continued labels, have built these barriers. These barriers, coupled with the existing internal challenges these individuals face, stand in the way of their chance to soar and flourish into the creatures that our Creator has designed them to be.
I could go on here, but the point is simple: The hurt caused by trauma is the very same to the prostituted individual as it is to the homeless person, or to the individual suffering from mental illness, or the college student, or the elderly lady down the street, or the professional, or the fellow church members. We must recover compassion.
“Love your neighbor, all of ’em.” -Christine Clarity McDonald
Just now seeing that Anthony Bourdain has died from an apparent suicide. This is incredibly sad & proves that you honestly never know what a person is struggling with or feeling on the inside. Even those that are the most successful & seem the happiest have struggles. Depression is so real & so scary. You feel you don’t matter. You feel dying is better than the pain you’re feeling. It’s a disease that puts these false feelings in your brain. I promise, every single person matters & is loved. We as a society need to choose kindness & love way more often in our lives. We can make a difference. I pray everyone can find peace in their lives. RIP Mr Bourdain.
In a world that is far too often filled with hate & cruelty, I will choose kindness & love. I know how it makes me feel when others treat me with kindness, so I’ll always try to choose to make others feel they matter as well. Let’s make love & kindness contagious.
Proverbs 19:17 Whoever generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.
Proverbs 11:17 A man who is kind benefits himself, but a cruel man hurts himself.
You’ll always have the choice to be kind, choose it! It doesn’t cost a thing & is so valuable… Have a kind week my friends!!!
Finished the last episode of 13 Reasons Why this morning. I do not believe this show glorifies suicide. It shows the truth. The truth of another person’s pain. The truth of bullying. The truth of rape. I believe every parent & teen should watch this show to understand more about suicide, depression, & pain. A person full of hurt will ask for help in their own way, however subtle it may be. Hopefully we can make it better. That being said, it’s not our job to determine when it’s our time to go, only God has this power in the way things should be. If you’re hurting, please ask for help. You are loved.
Ecclesiastes 7:17 Be not overly wicked, neither be a fool. Why should you die before your time?
